ஹிந்தி தெரியாது போடா

ஹிந்தி தெரியாது போடா... என்ன தில்லு இருந்தா என்கிட்ட ஹிந்தில பேசுவ... Be@ma@ni... கலீஜ் ஆயிடுவ... என் கிர்தா பார்த்தா தெர்ல? உன் தௌலத் எல்லாம் இங்க வேணாம்... மாமூல்  காண்டி கரீட்டா வர்ல டப்பா டான்ஸ் ஆடிடும்... என்னமோ ஜபர்தஸ்டா  அந்த பஜாரி கிட்ட நம்மள பத்தி போட்டு கொடுக்குற... என்ன அங்க சொன்னா ஜகா உட்ருவேனா... அவயெல்லாம் கோதாலயே இல்ல... நமக்கு மால் வசூல் ஆவுறது தான் முக்யம்... சும்மா தமாசு காட்டிட்டு இருந்த, காலி பண்ருவேன்... எத்தனையோ லட்டி தோட்டா எல்லாம் பாத்தவன்டா நா... இன்னிக்கு கூட பிரியாணிக்கு ரைத்தா கொடுக்கலனு ஒர்த்தன் மூஞ்சில மாஞ்சா போட்டேன். நாங் காண்டி சாமான கைல எடுத்தேன்... பேஜாராயிடும்... நீயெல்லாம் எனக்கு சோட்டா பச்சா... துஜே முஜ்கோ பதா நஹி... மே படா ஆத்மி ஹுன். முஜ்ஸே ஹிந்தி மேம் பாத் மத் கரோ... ஸம்ஜே... 

Narayana-aham

OM NAMO NARAYANAYA!!!!

You have recently heard about the birth of the new religion 'Lingayatism'. But the time has come to revive the one true religion - the 'Narayana-aham' religion.

Narayana-aham: Who is your God?

We pray only to the one true God Narayanan who always travels in Garuda. There is a misconception that Narayanan & Vishnu are one and the same. It is a factoid.

Historically speaking, there are so many facts that Vishnu is a God who was believed to be followed in Central Asia while our Lord Narayanan is a South-Indian God. Both these Gods had thousands of followers. Some 3000 years ago, a huge clash broke between these two religions and at a time when Vishnudadas were about to lose, a truce was arranged wherein these two religions were merged into one by fooling people that both the Gods are the same.

But, they are not. Our Lord Narayanan is not lazy & hence does not take rest on a snake bed or a chauvinist to have a lady massage his legs (that is Vishnu). He does not have any incarnations.

Vishnu on the other hand is always in a trance lying on a snake bed. He takes incarnations like Rama and Krishna. Our Lord Narayanan does not believe in taking proxies. He flies to the rescue of his people in his own vehicle - Garuda.

Holy Books:
Being smart people, you would have guessed by now that Bhagavath Geethai is not our holy text. Only the 'Ashtaaksharam' is the sacred word and no books are to be followed - except... my own teachings. Huge volumes of books are going to be released with my teachings and the tenders are being finalised for this.

Places of worship:

There were several temples for our Lord Narayanan but most of them were converted as common temples to include Vishnu as well. Several other temples were destroyed by Malik Kafur when he invaded the south. Those temples built in the later years after the unification are not considered as holy anymore. Tirupathi Tirumalai Venkateswara temple is one old temple that still stands in the name of Lord Narayanan. Bear in mind that as the founder of Narayana-aham religion, the TTD trust automatically comes under my control.

Our law wing will soon be working on the legal issues for the seamless transition of the trust to my name. I will personally manage the finance of the temple soon.

Food culture

Even though only vegetarian food is allowed, you cannot eat avaraikkai, kaththirikkai and podalankai. That allows my disciples to create a new sect in future that allows these veggies... may be non veg as well.

(As a great visionary, I can foresee that in a few decades the 2 sections will then fight between themselves over who is original. After all, having more sects in a religion increases the popularity and increases the chances of expansion. All major religions in the world now are the proof.)

Naming Convention

Now comes the most important part: In this religion ppl can have only one name. Narayanan for men; Narayani for women.

This also means that only ppl of this religion can have these two names Narayanan & Narayani. Others having this name have to either convert to this religion or change their name. If you convert to this religion within the next 72 hours, it is free. Else you have to pay 10$ as Religion Development fee.

As the founder of this new religion, I plan to demand from the Union Government all minority benefits applicable for this land to the followers of this religion. Whoever is willing to convert to this religion are hence entitled to get all the minority benefits... Hence 10$ is not a huge amount.

OM NAMO NARAYANAYA!!!!

Harvard thesis

After extensive researches that spanned across 200 countries covering over 3.5 billion people, the great 2-time Nobel Laureate (once for Molecular Physics & once of Organic Bio-chemistry) and Harvard researcher Narayanan had submitted his thesis on December 21st 2016. In the research, he observed that the best way to eat food is how normal youngsters do at home - in a reclined pose usually on a sofa watching TV.

He noted that as mentioned in Rig Veda (a sacred book written millenniums ago) people should not get too attached to worldly pleasures and having food while watching TV allows people not to concentrate too much on the food. The programme on TV allows them to think beyond the taste of the food. Also the reclined posture allows the food to move slower through the oesophagus to the stomach and it enables better digestion.

He advised the parents across the globe NOT to scold their children if they eat their food in a reclined posture watching some TV programme. In fact, the habit should be encouraged.

Another important aspect of this thesis is the amount of water to be consumed by the people. The amount should be calculated based on the weight of the individual at the moment of drinking (it can vary during the day - before & after meals). People should weigh themselves (to the level of grams - milligram level is not required) and apply the weight (x) in the formula ‘e^x * (x+12.776457)^3 -256668’. Also while drinking water, it should not touch the pre-molar teeth but should touch the molar teeth before it is swallowed.

The thesis became an instant hit in several countries including Australia, Brazil, Canada, Sweden, Russia, Austria & Liechtenstein. The Kingdom of Liechtenstein has announced that it would confer their highest degree of Knights Templar to our researcher as an honour.

Unfortunately, an Indian achieving such great heights did not go well with the media and it got suppressed by all the media bigheads across the world. There are speculations that if this research results become popular, he might become the first person in world history to win 3 Nobel Prizes. We, Indians should be proud of ourselves for this and should spread this great message for the benefit of everyone.

Footnote: There are so many health tips flowing around. But recently, I watched a video where it was recommended that water should not taken while standing. Quoting a friend's comment... In so many years of evolution, are we still so incapable to retain the water we drink? 

Chennai rains

FLASH NEWS!!!
(Covered quicker than NDTV & CNN-IBN)

Entire state of Tamil Nadu is in danger. With the next year elections in sight, it is seen that BJP will not elected by the people of TN to form the government in TN. So, Modi has tied up with foreign powers to punish the entire state by bringing in more and more rain. It is an advanced technology developed secretly in an undisclosed location to attract clouds to a particular place and he got it installed in the state to take revenge on it's people. So, people of TN are advised to immediately vacate the state and relocate to some other state leaving all their belongings behind.

This is very important. Forward this immediately to all your friends and save innocent people.



Footnote 1: During the 2015 Chennai rains, I received so many messages in Whatsapp is that a particular locality in Chennai is in danger and people in that place should evacuate immediately.

That combined with the Modi accusation that is probably the most common news in our channels brings this message. Eppudi...

Footnote 2: This post was written in mid-November. Unfortunately, the rains did not stop there and heaviest rains (in Chennai's history) came a few weeks after writing this. Karumedu karuvaayan...

Separate country

There was an article in NDTV on jallikattu and one guy (presumably Tamil) had commented that

"If you can't understand, better allow us to be a separate country".

I was surprised how he can ask for a separate country as if he represents the entire country. I think it all started with the Sri Lankan Tamils issue. I read similar comments when that issue was at it's peak. (I would prefer to arrest that guy for posting such a comment. But it might also end up blowing it to huge proportions unnecessarily.)

Anyway, that comment kindled my imagination and I wonder where this could end up...

Central govt does not understand the plight of Lankan Tamils... -> separate TN  from India.

Chennai-ites don't understand the importance of jallikattu... -> separate Rest of TN from Chennai

Madurai is not respecting the sentiments of Dindugal and other towns like that... -> separate country

Aththippatti not respected by Cuddalore... -> separate country

At this rate, at one point, we will end up like...

There is a cricket match played between 2 countries today. The match for today is: Ganapathy colony country vs Thandu Mariamman Koil Street country.

Super singer

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Super singer programme conducted by STAR Vijay is banned by Supreme Court. The programme is accused of spoiling young children and teaching them bad things so early in life. This is created a huge uproar in several cities and people have started protesting against this.

The spokesperson of the protesters' organisation (#WeSupportSuperSinger) told to a national channel that this is suppression of fundamental rights and this program is part of the culture. This is a planned attack by US & UK so that we will not get more children who would end up working in their countries. He also accused PETC (People for Ethical Treatment fire Children) for getting funds from these countries to ban this program. People will now lose motivation to get more children and the Indian population will start to diminish.

Earlier, there was a proper eco-system wherein people started having children and train them to be good singers by sending them to this competition. After the competition, they get graduated and end up applying for US/UK visa. Finally they get settled there. But now, due to lack of motivation, people do not want to get any more children. The TN government has announced a one-day bandh to force the Central Government to introduce a new law not to ban Super Singer. The PM has convened an urgent cabinet meeting to discuss this.

Note: Any comparison of this protest with Jallikattu is imaginary. 

Jallikattu

JALLIKATTU. Honestly as a city bred boy, I never got connected myself to this. I never got a chance to experience this and the normal view I get about this is from the movies where the protagonist/hero single-handedly controls the bull by grabbing its horns. Apparently, the actual Jallikattu seems a lot different than this one. 

For being someone so ignorant about this, some videos circulated online did make me feel bad for those creatures. It was really barbaric. It created an impression that irrespective of whether we manage to stop other cruelties, this cruelty should stop. Naturally, I got happy when it was banned. But this time I have seen a lot of opposition for banning this event. I started reading a lot of articles about this and watched quite a few talk shows/videos supporting Jallikattu. I even tried to discuss in social networking sites to understand this better. Sadly, none of them answered my questions. A friend of my friend bluntly closed the conversation that it is not of any use to talk to someone who knows nothing about Jallikattu. If he is not able to convince someone who was born here and who values Tamil culture so much, how will he manage to explain this to others? Is this the start of the failure? We are not ready to discuss and just expect everyone to blindly agree to our point. 

My questions/comments on Jallikattu:

1. One of the most important points mentioned by Jallikattu supporters is that this will force the farmers to stop grooming the local breed of bulls (the 4 types) and in turn this will affect the offsprings from their cows resulting in the low quality of our cattle. But my questions here are:

a. Why should the farmers stop grooming their bulls in the absence of Jallikattu? Don't they still need the bulls to be groomed for mating their cows. Do they always have to be sent to the butchers?

b. Jallikattu is conducted only in certain places. If this is the way to identify the best bulls for mating what is happening to the other cows in TN and even in other parts of the country? 

c. If PETA wanted to stop Indians breeding local cattle breed, then they should attack the entire Indian cattle and not just TN. Are you saying that cattle in TN are the best breed in the entire world? 

d. Can't we find alternative methods for this that is more humane?

2. Another important statement from them is that the farmers love their bulls and they would not allow any harm to come to them. We have heard about several parents who even beat their children to perform well in reality shows. They do love their children but fame/popularity/pride/money blinds their eye. 

a. Considering that a winning bull brings more revenue what would the person do push their bull to win? Also to bear in mind that unlike children the bulls can't complain to anyone.

b. Again if they love their bulls so much, will they kill their bulls just because it does not fetch them money? This is a bit tricky and emotional question.

3. If only winning bulls get money what will happen to the other bulls? 

4. Regarding the funding for these:

a. If the bull catchers get prizes and so do the bulls. There seem to be a lot of money involved especially to keep the bull groomers to be interested. When there is a lot of money involved then dont that really push for mal-practices (bribing the cattle inspectors etc)?

5. There is a statement that this competition is only for grabbing the hump of the bull for a certain distance.

a. This is just one variety of this. What about the other varieties where the bulls are really tamed?

b. Out of curiousity, this is not what is being shown in Tamil movies (right from Veerapandiya Kattabomman). Why didn't anyone protest against such a wrong depiction ever? (You will really feel bad if you see the depiction in Virumaandi movie).

6. A lot of people have agreed that till 2009 there were a lot of mal-practices that were happening. Only after 2009, this entire competition was conducted more humanely. Also, for every competition, the collector & the SP have to be physically present missing out all their other duties. What would happen if there is a personal/official emergency for those Collectors/SPs? Can't there be really some other better alternatives to maintain our precious native breed?

I have huge respect for our Indian culture and I feel bad that we are losing it due to the influence of the western culture. If there is a real reason to keep conducting Jallikattu, I want to be one of those supporters but after getting the answers for these.I am really hoping to find the answers for these questions.